Today is a historic occasion. For me, at least. Today I will watch the last three episodes of Season 5 of BBC Merlin (something I should have done a long time ago, by the way). It might seem trivial to some, but for me it has consumed my life for the past two months. I have been living and breathing in Camelot, making friends with the knights, holding my breath at very climax and screaming (very) loudly in the season finales.

That’s what happens when I am fully immersed in something – my mind and soul leave reality to enter something far more interesting. A land of myth, a time of magic, an era where the strongest forces of British mythology collide into a tale that will be told and retold for centuries. All because of one man.

His name … Merlin.

Originally I was going to write a Merlin post after I had finished my finale. But I have been forewarned (by the Great Dragon) that the last three episodes contain pain beyond imagination, horrors that leave lifelong mental scarring. So I will reflect on it now, while still (mostly) mentally stable, and write again when I have finished.

BBC Merlin is a phenomenal show. Each episode’s plot may be a bit predictable, the CGI often cringe-worthy, but if you overlook that, you find sheer brilliance. From the acting of relatively unknown actors, to the stunning Chateau de Pierrefonds which served as Camelot, to the characters arcs of the main cast, it captures your imagination.

Merlin grows from a naive, innocent, stubborn boy to a man who would sacrifice his entire world to protect his best friend. A boy who trusts everyone so completely and believes in their intrinsic goodness, into a man whose suspicions and misgivings never end. (My friend would like you to know that Merlin is perfect minus smarts (“You really are an idiot, Merlin!”)) The most intrinsic thing is that he needs no recognition – doesn’t mind giving up everything to protect a man who will never thank him, who will never reward him, who will never know the truth – and that is the ultimate self-sacrifice.

Arthur’s introduction shows all of his negative qualities–as an arrogant, brash clotpole–but gradually he grows into the king we all know him to be. No matter how cruel he can sometimes be, he is wise, and just, and loyal, and above all, brave. He was born to be in Gryffindor.

It is Morgana’s character arc that is the most fascinating – from a gentle, strong-willed, compassionate ward she falls into hatred and jealousy in the most believable way. A hero is only as strong as his villain.

Guinevere is the only main character who, I feel, does not live up to her potential. She was kind and awkward and authentic in the beginning, but turns into less of that, and more of … a generally good character with no real faults, no motivation more than loving Arthur, and no real role except to advise him on what is right. Her relationship with Arthur also lacks chemistry – there’s a lot more of it with Lancelot … which is saying something.

Now onto my two favourite knights – Lancelot and Gwaine. I ‘know’ them too well to put Sir in front of their names, it looks a bit ridiculous. I loved Lancelot since his very first episode – he was so excited, so passionate, and when he realised he couldn’t become a knight, the disappointed look on his face broke my heart. In the words of JRR Tolkien (who was describing Fingon the Valiant): “his valour was as a fire and yet as steadfast as the hills of stone; wise he was and skilled in voice and hand; truth and justice he loved and bore good will to all … he sought not his own, neither power nor glory, and death was his reward.”

And Gwaine? Where would anyone be without Gwaine? He’s funny and nonchalant and rugged and just always drunk, and it’s hard not to love him. But of course I have to dig deeper – when Arthur and Merlin left for Camelot without him, the heartbroken expression on his face almost destroyed me. When he admitted – so casually! – that Merlin was his only friend… Think about how lonely his life must have been before Merlin and Arthur. He had no home, no friends, no family. He wandered around drinking because he had nothing left to live for.

Last one – I promise! – is Mordred. As a child he was frankly unnerving. As an adult he has made me second guess every word he speaks and every act he does, which is exactly the intention of the writers! He seems so lovely and so loyal, he stood up against Morgana more than one, and I want to like him. I really do. But how can we (Merlin and I) trust him when we know what is to pass? And yet should we not be judging him on his actions now, not on any possible actions in the future? I have no idea what to think about Mordred, and that is exactly what the writers intended.

Phew. That was long. This was originally supposed to be a short post, you know… This is what happens when you get me started.

BBC Merlin is everything I love thrown together into the most stunning TV show. I’m off to watch the last three episodes. Wish me luck, and hope I have enough sanity left to write about it afterwards.